Boomer Twilight

Mostly Humorous Observations of Most Anything, with a Boomer Slant

Archive for May 2007

Tangible Spam

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During the 60s there were several newspapers in most cities. It seems today in the majority of areas around the country they have disappeared or merged into one. I like competition. It makes things cheaper and requires a thirst for perfection in order to stay in business. Free is cheap. But the onslaught of free papers is getting out of control.

Walking through my neighborhood I am noticing more and more signs attached to mail and newspaper boxes that read, “No Free Papers.” Apparently it is getting to the neighborhood sign makers, too. It would be OK if the free papers were newsworthy, but they are simply advertising vehicles, which makes them free and encourages litter. Yeah, politicians need to get the message out so we can choose between empty promises of the best looking, family person, who loves Jesus, and a better school system. I guess we do need to vote. We are Americans and voting is part of our heritage. But, do we need 471 competing rags, littered with coupons offering us 20 – 40 cents off just about everything? Are there any gas coupons in them? I don’t recall ever getting a paper offering petroleum discounts.

If you are away from your home for a day or two, and it rains, you have a driveway filled with some sort of clear, pink, yellow, or orange-colored, spongy mass that once was a free paper. If you are away for a longer time, the sunlight turns it into some sort of disintegrating, clear, pink, yellow, or orange-colored, spongy mass that once was a free paper, that is now embedded in the crevices of the driveway. Of course, being polite, and not wanting the wrath of your Homeowners Association, you are neighborly and clean up the disintegrating, clear, pink, yellow, or orange-colored, spongy mass that once was a free paper, that is now embedded in the crevices of the driveway. The point is, you didn’t ask for this.

I always hated the “opt out” option. Is their really an “opt in” option? Usually you have to make an ass out of yourself complaining, then the distributor of the free publication directs your attention to the fine print. Otherwise, the papers keep coming, and coming, and coming. Electronic Spam always has the link that you have to click in order to stop the messages from arriving in your email box. It really doesn’t work for several months, but the “opt out” option is there, nonetheless.

Unless you can catch the sneaky bastard delivering the free papers, you don’t get a chance to stop the flow. Try setting a trap of nails or glass particles in front of your driveway, and maybe it will discontinue, but you face the possibility that the trap you set becomes your own problem, once you have forgotten about it. Or the neighbors’ kid flattens the tire on his/her bike and you are faced with explaining yourself to someone you thought was a friend.

If you are a walker, you’ll notice the papers in driveways and if they have been there for some time, it’s a disgusting mess. You don’t want to pick them up and throw them away, because there is a slight possibility the person who has received them may actually want them. I doubt it, but who wants to be the neighbor stealing the other neighbors’ paper? Even though there is no possibility the papers can be read in the condition they exist, to throw them away is an invasion of privacy. And, who wants to be the neighbor invading privacy?

I guess it’s hopeless, so I will go now. I need to make a sign.

With Love,

Bake My Fish

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Written by bakemyfish

May 25, 2007 at 9:15 pm

The Right To Bare Arms

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Tis summer and shoes might not be worn. You can’t go into a food joint without shoes or a shirt. Can you go in with bare arms? It depends on the number of tattoos and/or needle marks, I suppose. As Americans, we have a Constitutional Right to Bare Arms. Tank tops are possibly acceptable if you are female (and in decent shape). If you are a fat guy with a serious belly protruding, you may want to rethink your wardrobe.

The wearing of baseball caps in an eating establishment is common these days. Why, I don’t know. Perhaps I am old-fashioned and think a cap should be removed, but I live in a somewhat “Redneck” area and it seems to me there is not a second thought with regard to baseball caps. Let’s not dwell on the amount of grime on the sweat band. What the heck, no one sees it. It’s there, digging into the forehead of the wearer, and most likely not healthy. I don’t have scientific proof as to how unsanitary it might be. Sweat and dirt are a gross combination, so there is probably evidence to suggest the touching of the rim and constant removing of the cap and replacing it could lead to some form of bacterial contamination. Then there is the running of the hand through the hair before replacing the cap. That cannot be good. If he (I say he because few women wear caps) goes to the rest room, the odds are not in your favor he is washing his hands after whatever bathroom activity he has completed (I’m amazed at the number of men who leave the latrine without doing so).

If the guy wearing the cap touches a chicken wing on the buffet bar and puts it back (unobserved by you), is that wing healthy? You won’t know until you are ill from the lack of sanitation, which you didn’t know was a problem because, “out of sight, out of mind.” No, you have to depend on your immune system filtering the bacteria he transmits while his fat ass is fingering the food.

It may be somewhat possible to determine the extent of contamination based on the stains on his T-shirt. If there are only a few, maybe it’s safe; however, if he just came in from the construction site and went directly to the all-you-can-eat bar without visiting the men’s room for a wash, you are in trouble. Should you spend your meal worrying about him washing? Most of us don’t. We trust the restaurant is clean and the patrons are thoughtful.

We do have the Right to Bare Arms. But, we don’t have the right to crap on our neighbors’ plate. Wearing a cap in a restaurant is inconsiderate to those who don’t. Then again, to regulate it is another form of Government intervention we can live without. As long as we survive the food-borne disease.

With Love,

Bake My Fish

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Written by bakemyfish

May 23, 2007 at 12:01 am