Boomer Twilight

Mostly Humorous Observations of Most Anything, with a Boomer Slant

Twittling on the Porch Swing

with 12 comments

Early this morning I was reading the updates of my three favorite Bloggers, @RedheadWriting, @TheBloggess and @audymoo.  Those of you who are not familiar with Twitter may not recognize the purpose of the @ in front of their Twames, but that’s where I found them (Mom, if you’re reading this, sorry for the profanity you’ll eventually encounter). I’ve mentioned to other Tweeters to follow these three at various times. In my humble opinion they are incredible writers; funny, insightful and their styles just tickle me.

Now, the purpose of this post is not to promote Twitter, nor is it to kiss the ladies’ asses or anything like that. I want to make them known to anyone reading my stuff, because I have become a devoted follower of their tweets. When I’m on Twitter and I see something pop up from them, I feel kind of bubbly. I know a good snicker is coming, if the first tweet didn’t already do it (which invariably it does). What inspired me this morning was a new post by The Redhead citing Andy of Mayberry, one of my favorite shows during my younger days and well known to all Boomers.

When I think of Mayberry a porch swing comes to mind, with a cantankerous old fart sitting, whittling and yelling obscenities at passersby. I know Andy would never do that, but I want to be that guy.

My dream is to freak people out with pseudo-Tourette’s outbursts just to see their reactions. Once I’m that guy people will accept it and just think it’s because I’m that guy. I want to still be cognizant at that point so I can enjoy the ramblings, while people allow me to go on without any threat of repercussions.

Sitting on a park bench, feeding pigeons would not be enough. The birds would be cute, provided they’re not crapping on my lap, but feeding them is not the point. I want to be there so I can scream and make obscene gestures and get away with it. Who’s going to punch-out a crabby old man? They won’t arrest me. I’ll just feign some kind of illness when they grab me and ask me to move along. I’ll fall to the ground writhing and make them think I’m hurt, so they feel sorry for me. Who knows, they might even give me money to shut the hell up. I can use the cash (since I’ll be on a fixed income) for more feed and perhaps a snort or two to keep the mumbling going.

Now, I don’t have that many years left before my “Glory Days.” I’m preparing my dialogue by tweeting on Twitter. The more wrinkles I develop, the nastier I’ll look. Seeing the surprise (and maybe a little fear) in the eyes of the recipients of my diatribes will be a hoot. Or should that be “tweet?”

I’ll let you know where I plant my ass when the day comes. The possible locations are numerous; any shopping mall, park bench, bus stop, outside a liquor store, inside a museum and of course a porch swing. Stop by and enjoy the show.

With Love,

Bake My Fish

P. S. – The pathetic thing about this whole idea is I really want to do it.

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Written by bakemyfish

April 10, 2009 at 10:26 am

12 Responses

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  1. Thanks for the link love, Mr. Fish! It’s fans like yourself that make what I do all the more worthwhile 🙂 And – interesting factoid: both @thebloggess and @redheadwriting are from Houston! 🙂


    April 10, 2009 at 10:44 am

  2. I am truly a fan. Two ladies from Texas and one from Oklahoma. Something about the West, I guess.


    April 10, 2009 at 10:50 am

  3. Thanks for the linkage and sweet words! Let me know when you decide to carry through with your plan. It sounds truly excellent… and like something I wouldn’t want to miss. 🙂


    April 11, 2009 at 2:44 pm

  4. I’m making a list.


    April 11, 2009 at 2:48 pm

  5. Let me know where you land your ass – I’ll come by in my purple dress and hit you with my cane or throw my dentures at you to make you feel at home!! Hehehe.

    Think we should start an Old Fart Fan Club – maybe Snarky Seniors?



    April 11, 2009 at 4:10 pm

  6. You’ve been added to “Twittler’s List”


    April 11, 2009 at 8:25 pm

  7. […] on the Porch Swing Twittling on the Porch Swing __________________ Boomer […]

  8. Heh heh. Sounds like fun. Reminds me a bit of one of the stories in Ruth Reichl’s book. She dresses up as an old lady and goes to 21 in New York. Of course that was for business (what a job) but it did get me thinking how fun it might be to do something similar.

    Wait, now that I think of it, maybe my grandfather’s behavior was only an act 😉

    Carrie Oliver

    April 12, 2009 at 7:32 pm

  9. Everybody needs a Plan
    Yours is better than going to West Palm for the winter!
    Got me thinking
    What should ZuD do?


    Screw it
    I’ll just keep on
    Keeping on…

    Isn’t that what you boomers say?


    April 15, 2009 at 12:05 pm

  10. I am not a boomer, but you have written my mission statement! Gen X finally has a hero that isn’t named Crockett or Tubbs.


    May 8, 2009 at 10:37 pm

  11. I completely enjoy your tweets, and I love the ones you recommended, too! I was wondering… about how often to you have to deal with twitter bitches who take easy offense? My updates are fuzzy lil’ lambs compared to yours, and even I have people getting their panties in a bunch at me. See? look:


    July 16, 2009 at 6:15 pm

  12. Just stumbled upon your blog. Best humor and keepin’ it real attitude comes from the South by way of the midwest. 🙂 Hope to see you on Twitter.

    Beverly Mahone

    August 8, 2009 at 10:17 pm

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